Dick Twittington 26: Whatever gets you through the day

This week on my Twitter feed, a trip to Stratford-upon-Avon finally yields a photo of an unfortunately-named rowboat, and I fret over how much of a theatrical secret to reveal online before one of the professional critics cheerfully spoilers it for everyone.

You know, I'm sure we'll all get used to those blue conversation lines once they've been on Twitter for a few months or years... Oh.
11:09 AM - 4 Sep 13

Ugh. When you get hired specifically  to make judgement calls in boss' absence, then get bollocked for doing it #fuckyouWednesday
5:27 PM - 4 Sep 13

Just realised I started University TWENTY YEARS AGO. I'm so old, I'm legally dead.
7:26 AM - 5 Sep 13

I can feel another paranoid existential crisis coming on. My, but bipolar's a wacky fun-ride.
9:06 AM - 5 Sep 13

Imagine if Prince Harry used to wank over Naomi Watts, and now she's his mum.Or just imagine him wanking, whatever gets you through the day.
2 RETWEETS
11:49 AM - 5 Sep 13

Stockwell http://twitpic.com/dc212c
1:20 PM - 5 Sep 13

Just so you know, I'm not doing a certain Sleb Spot cause the show's fans would probably invade London.
1 FAVORITE
7:22 PM - 5 Sep 13

Who exactly thinks "I know what the West End needs, another Morecambe and Wise tribute show! It must be at least a day since the last one!"?
1 RETWEET
11:10 AM - 6 Sep 13

My Edward II review's taking forever to write. I seem to keep getting distracted while describing Kyle Soller's crotch.
12:58 PM - 6 Sep 13

So I've read Quentin Letts' Edward II review, and my favourite bit is still him saying it's Marlowe's take on Richard II.
3 RETWEETS
1 FAVORITE
2:11 PM - 6 Sep 13

Displaying not only ignorance of the fact that both actually existed, but also confusion about which direction time moves in.
3 RETWEETS
2:13 PM - 6 Sep 13

Still, clever of Marlowe to plagiarise a play Shakespeare hadn't even written yet.
1 FAVORITE
2:15 PM - 6 Sep 13

"obstructed cunts" #bloghitsoftheweek I don't... I don't even want to try and figure that one out.
3:05 PM - 6 Sep 13

Overheard: Man on train quoting Paradise Lost in a conversation about cricket #pretentiousmoi?
9:27 AM - 7 Sep 13

Just seen Luke Norris walking a cute dog. Please experience whatever level of arousal you feel appropriate.
11:54 AM - 7 Sep 13

Empty bottle of Liebfraumilch in the train rubbish bin: Someone's had a CLASSY journey!
7:23 PM - 7 Sep 13

Finally, proof @3rdspearcarrier wasn't hallucinating Stratford's most ominously-named boat! http://twitpic.com/dcfctn
9:29 PM - 7 Sep 13

Is @LyricHammer #secrettheatre meant to stay secret in perpetuity? Are we banned from blogging about the shows?
1:49 PM - 8 Sep 13

Off to see Fleabag. I'm told Phoebe Waller-Bridge keeps her pants on this time, but the script doesn't.
6:18 PM - 8 Sep 13

I don't want any of my female followers' ovaries to fall out, but I just Sleb Spotted Jon Richardson at Soho Theatre bar.
6:51 PM - 8 Sep 13

Eating strudel. Inevitably putting it in an imaginary contest against cheesecake #cabinpressure
9:39 PM - 8 Sep 13

You think you've seen everything, and then Alan Bennett guest-stars on Family Guy.
1 FAVORITE
10:30 PM - 8 Sep 13

Dear Hotmail calendar, the bright sun you're displaying next to today's date contrasts somewhat with the reality outside my window.
1 FAVORITE
12:59 PM - 9 Sep 13

Blimey, Mojo is turning into a Potter/Bond/Merlin crossover geekfest!
1 RETWEET
4:23 PM - 9 Sep 13

@Elsiebrewster Colin Morgan added to Mojo cast.
5:00 PM - 9 Sep 13

So I'm going to take Shenton's word for it that #SecretTheatre is fair game from tonight.
5:59 PM - 9 Sep 13

Dear Twitter, have I missed a discussion on the Daldry/Lan jointly running the National rumour, or have we not had it yet?
7:13 PM - 9 Sep 13

I was going to try and come up with an oblique #intervaltweets but I see just blurting out what the show is is what we're doing.
9:18 PM - 9 Sep 13

Incidentally, Hitchings managed to review Show 2 in the Standard without saying what it was #secrettheatre
6:42 PM - 10 Sep 13

I mean, pretty sure it's gibberish if you're not in on it, but he gave it a go #secrettheatre
6:43 PM - 10 Sep 13